"Welcome."

A shorter, one-step way to practice the Radical Acceptance that Tara Brach writes about is to respond to life's ups and downs with a simple "Welcome".

I find that when I welcome my experience, no matter how difficult, a tenderness is stirred inside toward myself, and toward life itself. I've expanded the "Welcome" by adding a gentle reminder to myself, "This too, is life." Life is precious, and all that I experience is affirmation that I am alive. When I welcome my experience, I welcome life.

The certainty of eventual death is something that I have always struggled with. By welcoming my experience as Life, I am present to my Existence. Perhaps a lifetime of being Present to Life will enable me someday to face Death with acceptance, too.

radical acceptance

I am experiencing a foundationally transformative book right now, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. The author, Tara Brach, writes beautifully and profoundly about a practice born out of Vipassana (mindfulness) meditation.

The practice is Radical Acceptance, and as I have used it in my life over the past few weeks I have been amazed at its transformative effect. You'll be reading a lot on this blog about radical acceptance, but in this post I'd like to share about its surprisingly simple core.

Tara describes two steps in Radical Acceptance, and the first is simply Mindfulness; checking in with ourselves and noticing what we are experiencing in the present moment. We observe our physical sensations, our emotions, and the stories that run through our minds about our present experience. For example, if someone cuts me off on the freeway, I might immediately experience fear. This might feel like a balloon blowing up inside my chest, or my muscles tightening while my heart beats fast. I might feel angry, with a churning feeling in my stomach. I might notice that there is a story going through my mind saying that the person who cut me off doesn't care about my life or about their dangerous actions.

The second step is to accept this immediate experience non-judgmentally, and with compassion. Taking a kindly approach to ourselves, we do not push away uncomfortable sensations, nor do we grasp after pleasant ones. We accept what is, in the present moment, and give to ourselves the same compassion that we would to a cherished friend. This is very different from my previous practice of telling myself sternly why I should "get over" something, which often led me to resentment or guilt that I wasn't "getting with the program" and moving on. When I accept my present experience with compassion, it is as though I am sitting down next to myself, and offering the friendship of silent, loving companionship.

Putting these two steps together, my practice is to say in my mind, "I notice that I am feeling __________." And, I accept this with compassion.

Something happens inside me when I do this . . . it's as though the emotions and sensations that have been consuming me recede a little. I am not longer anger. I am no longer sadness. Anger or sadness is present, but I am detached just enough to make this experience manageable. Frankly, my experience has been that once I've practice radical acceptance in a given situation, about 75% of the time the discomfort just disappears. Always, it's made more bearable. Unbelievable.

There is so much more to share, but I'll save it for future posts! I'll be posting much more regularly now, so stop by again soon! :)

the practice of narration

Lately I've been trying to practice narrating what I do in my mind as I'm doing it. This helps me do only one thing at a time, and be present to each moment. I've resisted the urge to catch up on phone calls while driving, stating instead to myself, "I am driving." As I walk from the car to my office, I think, "I am walking." Once at work, as I embark on each task, I state in my mind what it is that I am doing. I am trying not to multi-task, but to approach each job deliberately and with focus. I plan to start using this approach with eating, too; observing not only that I am eating, but what the experience is like (the tastes, fragrances, textures, etc.) Though narrating each task may sound infantile and even maddening, it has had the opposite effect; I feel more centered, and find myself slowing down.

vision boards

During yesterday's coaching session, Cezarina taught me about vision boards as a tool of intentionality. I already know how powerful intentionality is, plus my creative self has been under-expressed lately, so I was enthusiastic.

A vision board is a piece of paper or cardboard that you collage with images which represent your vision for yourself. These are images of things yet to be, and the creation of the vision board is a statement of intentionality. Afterward, the vision board becomes a powerful reminder, and a visual affirmation. The board can be carried with you (if it is small or fold-able), or placed in an area of your home or office that you will encounter often.

I created my first vision board on the theme of eating and food. A few weeks ago I bought a large amount of fruit and ate several servings every day. I felt great! I now want to convert my diet to a mostly whole / raw food diet. The vision board is now posted on my refrigerator, where I can see it as I make my food selections.

The figure at the top represents physical health, mobility and flexibility, traits that I desire to deepen. The text in the center is Khalil Gibran's chapter On Eating and Drinking from The Prophet. Throughout the midsection of the board are images of the lovely, healthy, mouth-watering foods I want to incorporate into my diet.

At the bottom of the page, something beautiful and profound eveolved without me planning it. Among the magazines I was searching for images, I found a picture of an elderly, wrinkled woman whose keen eyes reveal cleverness and astute awareness. I began looking for more pictures of older women. My sister talked to me last weekend about life as "elder training", with achieving elderhood as the pinnacle of one's life. I want to live to be old enough to be an elder. I want to make healthy choices today both for the present and the future. I wrote these lines toward the bottom of the page (the first appropriated from an awesome Kaiser commercial):

"When I grow up, I want to be an old woman.
When I grow up, I want to be an ELDER.

MOMENT BY MOMENT BY MOMENT BY MOMENT...

ELDER."