DBT mindfulness

I am finding the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) so useful in my personal and professional life!  Developed by Marsha Linehan, DBT is a type of therapy designed to teach emotional regulation.  However, the bulk of DBT is a plethora of skills that can be practiced by most without participating in the therapy.

The cornerstone of the skills is mindfulness, the act of being aware of one's current experience (and the topic of this blog!).  With this awareness, we can identify what we need in order to calm down (if our nervous system is activated) or amp up (if our nervous system is depressed).  DBT offers a really cool model for understanding our state of mind, in the moment.

On one end of our experiencing is our Emotional Mind.  When we operate in our Emotional Mind, our immediate wants and needs are amplified.  Picture an infant, who is consumed with what it desires in the present moment--that's Emotional Mind.

On the other end is our Reasonable, or Rational Mind.  Rational Mind thinks logically, without regard for "irrational" wants and needs.  Picture a robot.   Picture Mr. Spock.

In the middle is Wise Mind, the synthesis of Emotional and Rational Minds.  There are two ways I've found to identify Wise Mind.  One is to check in with our Emotional and Rational Minds, and explore what they each want out of the situation.  Finding a compromise, a way to honor both, is one way to operate from Wise Mind.

The other way to access Wise Mind is intuitively.  Checking in with our "gut", praying, or asking our deepest self what the best course of action is.  I usually know that I have tapped into Wise Mind when I feel a settledness, a calm sense that I've discovered the right path.  It may not be what I want to do, but acknowledging it comes with a sense of peace and certainty. 

Here's a simple example.  Let's say I have a ton of chores to accomplish this weekend, but I'm really tired and just want to relax.  I check in with Emotional Mind, which just wants to curl up with a good book in my pajamas and order delivery.  I check in with Rational Mind, which is concerned about the consequences of not accomplishing the chores and wants to push me to work.  What do I do? 

I can spend some time checking in with Wise Mind, feeling awake to both my need to rest my body, and my need to attend to important tasks.  Perhaps I sit myself down and make a list of only the most vital, time-sensitive tasks, and leave the rest of my list.  Perhaps I appoint one day for resting and one for working.  Perhaps I ask someone for help.  Perhaps I write the tasks into my schedule for the following week and commence with my "pajamas and book" idea.  Just the act of tending to ALL my needs, instead of just the ones I think I should, opens up creative possibilities.

Try it out!  Check in with yourself at various points during the day, or when you are facing a tough decision.  Identify what Emotional Mind wants and what Rational Mind wants.  Then either find a way to honor both, or use your intuition to identify your Wise Mind response.

DBT's official website: http://behavioraltech.org/

"Welcome."

A shorter, one-step way to practice the Radical Acceptance that Tara Brach writes about is to respond to life's ups and downs with a simple "Welcome".

I find that when I welcome my experience, no matter how difficult, a tenderness is stirred inside toward myself, and toward life itself. I've expanded the "Welcome" by adding a gentle reminder to myself, "This too, is life." Life is precious, and all that I experience is affirmation that I am alive. When I welcome my experience, I welcome life.

The certainty of eventual death is something that I have always struggled with. By welcoming my experience as Life, I am present to my Existence. Perhaps a lifetime of being Present to Life will enable me someday to face Death with acceptance, too.

when "now" could be better

I was just pondering the practice of mindfulness when "now" is unpleasant or uncomfortable. While it is important to be present, observe our discomfort, and make adjustments if possible, what do we do when the present is still painful? Here, I believe that the field of somatic experiencing has something to teach us.

Somatic experiencing (SE) is a type of body work that is becoming increasingly prominent in the field of psychotherapy. Although formal training is essential in order to develop the competence to provide SE, one does not have to be a psychotherapist to receive that training; it is also open to nurses, body workers and a host of other helping professionals.

In SE, one is encouraged to identify resources, and apply those resources to discomfort in the moment. For example, if you have back pain, focus on an area of your body that feels good. Perhaps your calves feel relaxed and grounded, planted on the floor. Focus on the positive feeling. In imagination, take that relaxed, grounded feeling in your calves, and apply it to your back. Let your back receive healing from the stronger parts of you.

If you are experiencing an unpleasant mood, think back to some wonderful memory; one that only has positive associations and does not pain you to think about. Let's say that you remember a wonderful camping trip you took. Further refine the memory by picking one moment from the trip. The day you hiked to a waterfall and experienced the exhilaration of the pounding water. You felt completely at peace. Take that feeling, that memory, and let it become Now. Remember it in detail. Allow yourself to be exhilarated again. You aren't denying your present difficulties, you are simply introducing a Resource into the mix that you can draw positive energy from.

What do you currently feel that could benefit from a Resource? I'm exhausted after waking up too early; so I plan to lie in bed for at least a few minutes and Resource! :)

real-time accomplishments

Here's an idea: What if we spent more time identifying positive steps we are already taking?

So often, I look to the future in the hope that I will produce brand-new positive habits. This is good, but I also think I might have something to gain from reviewing my day and observing what I am already doing well.

Today was a classic case of over-work in my life. I stayed at the office much later than my goal, tending to this and that. However, here's a list of things I did well:
-I focused on one task at a time.
-I included fresh fruits on my grocery list, which I am about to enjoy.
-I set reasonable boundaries when I needed time to myself.
-I just took some time off from the computer when my cat informed me that it was time to cuddle.

What did you do well today? Whether it was an accomplished goal, or a healthful action that you took automatically, congratulations!

should [not]

I am finding that "should" is the greatest enemy to my own personal mindfulness. I am learning to observe and respond to my body, mind, and spirit based on my own needs and cues. "Should" removes me from the realm of attunement to self, and has me behave according to some external, fixed principle. When I act on "shoulds", I am ceasing to be responsive to my own intuition and instinct.