I am finding the principles of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) so useful in my personal and professional life! Developed by Marsha Linehan, DBT is a type of therapy designed to teach emotional regulation. However, the bulk of DBT is a plethora of skills that can be practiced by most without participating in the therapy.
The cornerstone of the skills is mindfulness, the act of being aware of one's current experience (and the topic of this blog!). With this awareness, we can identify what we need in order to calm down (if our nervous system is activated) or amp up (if our nervous system is depressed). DBT offers a really cool model for understanding our state of mind, in the moment.
On one end of our experiencing is our Emotional Mind. When we operate in our Emotional Mind, our immediate wants and needs are amplified. Picture an infant, who is consumed with what it desires in the present moment--that's Emotional Mind.
On the other end is our Reasonable, or Rational Mind. Rational Mind thinks logically, without regard for "irrational" wants and needs. Picture a robot. Picture Mr. Spock.
In the middle is Wise Mind, the synthesis of Emotional and Rational Minds. There are two ways I've found to identify Wise Mind. One is to check in with our Emotional and Rational Minds, and explore what they each want out of the situation. Finding a compromise, a way to honor both, is one way to operate from Wise Mind.
The other way to access Wise Mind is intuitively. Checking in with our "gut", praying, or asking our deepest self what the best course of action is. I usually know that I have tapped into Wise Mind when I feel a settledness, a calm sense that I've discovered the right path. It may not be what I want to do, but acknowledging it comes with a sense of peace and certainty.
Here's a simple example. Let's say I have a ton of chores to accomplish this weekend, but I'm really tired and just want to relax. I check in with Emotional Mind, which just wants to curl up with a good book in my pajamas and order delivery. I check in with Rational Mind, which is concerned about the consequences of not accomplishing the chores and wants to push me to work. What do I do?
I can spend some time checking in with Wise Mind, feeling awake to both my need to rest my body, and my need to attend to important tasks. Perhaps I sit myself down and make a list of only the most vital, time-sensitive tasks, and leave the rest of my list. Perhaps I appoint one day for resting and one for working. Perhaps I ask someone for help. Perhaps I write the tasks into my schedule for the following week and commence with my "pajamas and book" idea. Just the act of tending to ALL my needs, instead of just the ones I think I should, opens up creative possibilities.
Try it out! Check in with yourself at various points during the day, or when you are facing a tough decision. Identify what Emotional Mind wants and what Rational Mind wants. Then either find a way to honor both, or use your intuition to identify your Wise Mind response.
DBT's official website: http://behavioraltech.org/
Showing posts with label internal cues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label internal cues. Show all posts
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
radical acceptance
I am experiencing a foundationally transformative book right now, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha. The author, Tara Brach, writes beautifully and profoundly about a practice born out of Vipassana (mindfulness) meditation.
The practice is Radical Acceptance, and as I have used it in my life over the past few weeks I have been amazed at its transformative effect. You'll be reading a lot on this blog about radical acceptance, but in this post I'd like to share about its surprisingly simple core.
Tara describes two steps in Radical Acceptance, and the first is simply Mindfulness; checking in with ourselves and noticing what we are experiencing in the present moment. We observe our physical sensations, our emotions, and the stories that run through our minds about our present experience. For example, if someone cuts me off on the freeway, I might immediately experience fear. This might feel like a balloon blowing up inside my chest, or my muscles tightening while my heart beats fast. I might feel angry, with a churning feeling in my stomach. I might notice that there is a story going through my mind saying that the person who cut me off doesn't care about my life or about their dangerous actions.
The second step is to accept this immediate experience non-judgmentally, and with compassion. Taking a kindly approach to ourselves, we do not push away uncomfortable sensations, nor do we grasp after pleasant ones. We accept what is, in the present moment, and give to ourselves the same compassion that we would to a cherished friend. This is very different from my previous practice of telling myself sternly why I should "get over" something, which often led me to resentment or guilt that I wasn't "getting with the program" and moving on. When I accept my present experience with compassion, it is as though I am sitting down next to myself, and offering the friendship of silent, loving companionship.
Putting these two steps together, my practice is to say in my mind, "I notice that I am feeling __________." And, I accept this with compassion.
Something happens inside me when I do this . . . it's as though the emotions and sensations that have been consuming me recede a little. I am not longer anger. I am no longer sadness. Anger or sadness is present, but I am detached just enough to make this experience manageable. Frankly, my experience has been that once I've practice radical acceptance in a given situation, about 75% of the time the discomfort just disappears. Always, it's made more bearable. Unbelievable.
There is so much more to share, but I'll save it for future posts! I'll be posting much more regularly now, so stop by again soon! :)
The practice is Radical Acceptance, and as I have used it in my life over the past few weeks I have been amazed at its transformative effect. You'll be reading a lot on this blog about radical acceptance, but in this post I'd like to share about its surprisingly simple core.
Tara describes two steps in Radical Acceptance, and the first is simply Mindfulness; checking in with ourselves and noticing what we are experiencing in the present moment. We observe our physical sensations, our emotions, and the stories that run through our minds about our present experience. For example, if someone cuts me off on the freeway, I might immediately experience fear. This might feel like a balloon blowing up inside my chest, or my muscles tightening while my heart beats fast. I might feel angry, with a churning feeling in my stomach. I might notice that there is a story going through my mind saying that the person who cut me off doesn't care about my life or about their dangerous actions.
The second step is to accept this immediate experience non-judgmentally, and with compassion. Taking a kindly approach to ourselves, we do not push away uncomfortable sensations, nor do we grasp after pleasant ones. We accept what is, in the present moment, and give to ourselves the same compassion that we would to a cherished friend. This is very different from my previous practice of telling myself sternly why I should "get over" something, which often led me to resentment or guilt that I wasn't "getting with the program" and moving on. When I accept my present experience with compassion, it is as though I am sitting down next to myself, and offering the friendship of silent, loving companionship.
Putting these two steps together, my practice is to say in my mind, "I notice that I am feeling __________." And, I accept this with compassion.
Something happens inside me when I do this . . . it's as though the emotions and sensations that have been consuming me recede a little. I am not longer anger. I am no longer sadness. Anger or sadness is present, but I am detached just enough to make this experience manageable. Frankly, my experience has been that once I've practice radical acceptance in a given situation, about 75% of the time the discomfort just disappears. Always, it's made more bearable. Unbelievable.
There is so much more to share, but I'll save it for future posts! I'll be posting much more regularly now, so stop by again soon! :)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
waiting for instinct
“Do you have patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
- Lao Tzu
- Lao Tzu
should [not]
I am finding that "should" is the greatest enemy to my own personal mindfulness. I am learning to observe and respond to my body, mind, and spirit based on my own needs and cues. "Should" removes me from the realm of attunement to self, and has me behave according to some external, fixed principle. When I act on "shoulds", I am ceasing to be responsive to my own intuition and instinct.
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